The ups and downs of teaching and me....

ok....

2008-08-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while. I started a new blog and thought I didn't really want to keep this one, yet I didn't get rid of it and I stopped here today and decided to keep it and keep up the blogging.

School has started this week. We are facing our toughest year yet (as a school). We are down to about 34 students in the school (PreK-8) This is not good. I am looking forward to my class this year, but definitely presents some challenges. I have 5 kids total right now. 3 prekindergarten and 2 kindergarten. This means that most of the time, i will only have the 2 K's (both girls). They seem to get along, and they are darling girls! We are going to have fun, but definately it's own challenges from having only 2 of them. I just know the day is going to come when they are both sick and I won't have anyone in class!

I am also starting to incorporate learning centers into my daily routine. I'm so unsure of how this is going to go, but excited to see what I can come up with to give these girls a great year in Kindergarten and PreKindergarten!

The 3 day walk for Breast Cancer

2008-02-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

August 8, 9, and 10 are the dates of this year's 3 day walk for Breast Cancer. A couple years ago I did it and it was an incredible experience! I've been doing some walking lately and planning on keeping it up. I don't think that will be a problem. I am a little nervous about the money they ask you to raise for the walk. And it's been holding me back whether or not I should register. I've given myself a deadline of March 15 to decide whether or not to walk this year. Advice, encouragement, prayers, or if you are thinking about walking too...leave a comment or message...I'd like to hear from you.

Home away from home..

2008-01-23T06:09:00.000-08:00

This week has been one of the busiest weeks I've had all year. Every night this week I'm at school for one reason or another. I live far enough from school that it doesn't make sense to go home in between meetings and the like, so ....I stay here. On the upside, I have been able to get ahead in some of my work, so that's good. The school year is half over, if you can believe that! Evaluation time...students, myself, how things are going, etc., and what changes should be made for second semester. I've really had a challenging time this year with my boys, but they have taught me a lot too. I really look forward to the second half of the year and any surprises it may bring :)

No break here

2008-01-14T11:09:00.000-08:00

The weekend. Usually busy, but a little time to relax and chill from the work week. Especially after all that happened on my Christmas break, I was looking forward to some of that. It didn't happen.

My poor mom. Rarely does she have problems, but when she does...watch out.

Saturday morning she woke me up to tell me that she was having more attacks, and that they weren't going away. She had me call 911. While she was in the ER she had 2 more, the second being really bad and they hooked her up to the EKG while she was having it and it showed Heart Attack. Up to the Cath lab to have an angiogram (sp??) and it showed blockage in her heart. They put in a stent (also sp?) and took care of it. Well, we hope. We'll see. She's on more medications than she's ever been on and I hope they do their job.

Well, because of my dad being home in bed, she really wanted to get home yesterday. She should have probably stayed on more night, but she knows how to take it easy. I hope anyway...she's hard to keep down sometimes. About 2 hours after she came home yesterday, my dad told her to call 911 for him! He hasn't really been well all weekend and last night he had some really, really bad breathing and his heart rate was high (he has COPD). They came, but they didn't take him to the hospital and eventually it all came down. I think mostly he was panicked about how long it was taking for the breathing to get under control...it hasn't been that bad in a very long time.

Well, things settled down...dad went to sleep and then mom and i went to bed about an hour or so later. What a weekend.

Thank you

2008-01-10T06:09:00.000-08:00

I just can't say it enough. So many prayers went up for my mom and my family, I think we stopped up God's phone lines for a couple days! *L* I am so grateful for our family and friends for their care and support, it's been wonderful. We couldn't have gotten through these last couple of weeks without them. People have brought us food (thanks Single mom!), prayers, hugs, phone calls, it's been wonderful. Mom is getting better and better every day! It's hard to believe what shape she was in just a couple weeks ago. I pray that she continues to get better.

Stubborn vs. Stubborn

2008-01-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

Well, mom is home and doing much better. So good in fact, dad can't handle it. She's ready to be doing stuff and out, and dad is fighting her tooth and nail for it. She's going to see the doctor this week, so I am hoping that doctor clears her for driving and stuff because she's ready to get the heck outta Dodge after this week. and because I live here right now...I'm getting all of it. I am a daughter aware that it's my job to help out when I can, but my mom believes that if it doesn't have to be my job, it's not going to be my job. She has a hard time letting me help out and it's to the point where she's paranoid and rebelling because she's feeling held back. I hate worrying about this and I hate being a part of their fighting. Grrr. Praying for all of us.

Happy and not so Happy Holidays

2007-12-29T11:01:00.001-08:00

I see it's been a month since I've blogged. I don't know how many people actually make their way over here, so I haven't been doing it much.

This has definitely been a mixed week. We should have lost my mom on Sunday. A concept I still can't wrap my head around. Her panic attacks as of late turned out to be heart spasms. Sunday morning, she went out. Luckily someone found her nearly right away and got the CPR going, paramedics arrived in no time and she had to be shocked back to us. After spending a couple days in ICU, surgery to implant a difibulator and a couple more days in the hospital, she came home. Physically, she's ready to go! A little weakness, a little dizzyness once in a while, but she's moving around and doing stuff around the house (although I know she's itchin to get out). Mentally, she's doing good, although we are dealing with some short term memory problems. I think that's the part that freaks me out the most right now, and I'm learning to go with the flow. So even though we are dealing with obstacles now, we are so incredibly and unbelievably blessed that she is still with us...our own Christmas Miracle.

5 reasons why I love Christmas

2007-11-29T06:12:00.000-08:00

1. Teaching my students about the first Christmas and a special baby being born.

2. Being with my family. Every day we have with my dad is special and I pray he can enjoy Christmas with all of us together.

3. Christmas music. It should be played all year round. I also love teaching my students Christmas hymns for the Christmas Service.

4. Santa Clause. We should all be so selfless. Here is a man who risks life and limb to make sure every child in the world has a little bit of happiness with no thought as to "what's in it for me?"

5. Christmas parties. Time to spend with friends, family, coworkers, good food and mistletoe if you're lucky ;)

Good times with the bad

2007-11-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

I was browsing an old friend's blog and came across a blog titled "Why I love Church Work
and asked the question (paraphrased) Do I only love it when things are good?

We are going through a tough time here at my church and school. Money problems that may cause our school to close very soon if we can't find a way to turn things around. To compound that, there are some people in our church who do not like the fact that there is a school here to support and resent it. They even go so far as to question "what does the school do for us?"

Very frustrating. And it gets my feather's ruffled to say the least.

Without the school, the church would have no treasurer or secretary on the church council. It wouldn't have a stewardship board, not much of a trustee board and no one to mow the lawn for free or shovel snow. We are small staff of 5 teachers, but every single one of us serves in some way other than teaching children for 8 hours every day.

I love my job. I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't always support my church monetarily as I would like, but I serve with my time as much as I can. Attitudes like I've been hearing lately really test me. How can you belong to a church and serve Christ with an attitude like that? I realize my attitude isn't all the best right now either. It definitely won't help the situation. But I'm very frustrated right now

Affirmation

2007-11-26T06:08:00.000-08:00

I kinda got into a funk this weekend..feeling sorry for myself and stuff, and I just got fed up with it. I was in the middle of the grocery store and finally told myself to just "cut the crap". LOL Sounds funny, but helped me to snap out of it.

I am sick and tired of feeling guilty. I don't understand why I should feel bad for the choices I make when I eat. Food is an enjoyable thing! We live in a time and place where we have a plethora of choices and most of them taste DE-licious! I don't see why I have to feel so bad and guilty and horrible for the food I decide to put into my mouth! The majority of people in this world do not torture themselves like this, why should I?

It all comes down to choices. What to eat and how much of it, so that we can keep things in balance (or people like me who are trying to lose unwanted weight) What I want to start doing this week, is not rationalize or blow off the bad choices I make, but to find a way to give me a boost to make better choices and be happy with the choices I make and why I'm making them. It's called behavior modification. I use it on my students. Basically using positive reinforcements to change certain behaviors, rather than negative ones. I have behaviors/feelings/emotions in my head that desperately need to be changed.

Last night, I wrote down sort of an affirmation prayer, or statement if you aren't into prayer. I layed it all out on paper and I will read it each and every morning when I get up and every evening before I go to sleep If you want to know what I wrote, keep reading. It is pretty personal, but I wanted to share:

"I am a beautiful person. It doesn't matter what I look like on the outside.

I am on a journey. A journey to become a healthier person. I can do it! I can overcome obstacles. I can resist. I can say no when everything is screaming YES! Or when emotions get in the way.

I can do it

I am on a journey. I know that God is watching out for me. When the time is right, I will have the man who is meant for me. He will be all that God has planned

I can do this. I know God is watching out for me. he will take care of me.

I know that I can change these negative feelings I have. I am not a victim. I do not need to feel sorry for myself. I am strong. I do not need a boyfriend to keep me happy. My time will come - right now, it is time to prepare. "

As you can tell, I've also been dealing with feelings of being single and other feelings. I'm sure this statement will change over time if I need to deal with other issues as well.

it's working!

2007-11-21T08:20:00.000-08:00

but it still needs some more effort on my part!

I stepped on the scale and went down a pound! I know that I can do better! My water has been great! I've been drinking so much, it feels good! My portion control needs to be better, and I need to walk!! See my post below to see my new plan and my goals for the next month.

I am actually glad to have a goal. For the longest time, I was so scared to make a real goal for myself, and I'm not sure why. But now that I have this goal, whenever I am tempted, I remember that I want to make my goal and it's a great help! It helped me choose a kids meal at BK with juice instead of 2 cheeseburgers and large fries! And it helped me stay away from more snacks when I had already eaten my snack. Keeping myself accounted here is helping as well!

Can we do it?
YES WE CAN!

Foul Plot Afoot

2007-11-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

My students have been plotting against me. They have been determined to undermine everything I have been working for. They aren't listening and believe they have the run of the classroom. They are determined to make me eat so much food I will never stop and I will just get bigger and bigger and bigger. Instead of driving me to drink, they are driving me to eat. Cover up the frustration with some crackers, or hershey's kisses or chips. To the tune of about 7 lbs in the last couple of weeks. I don't belong here. Where's the progress? Where's the determination? Where's the work? Where's the skinny girl? Where's the desire to actually do what I need to do to succeed with all those others out there who are doing it? I don't belong here. I've failed this attempt.

Upon closer inspection of course, we realize it's not the student's fault their teacher has gone on a seefood diet the last couple of weeks. It's her own fault. She was allowing her frustration to take the better of her and her students to get the upper hand while she's going through some tough times. She's the one putting off going to the center to sign up so she can use the fitness center to walk now that it's too dark to walk when she gets home. She's the one that keeps shoveling food into her mouth. She's the one that has decided to get back to basics with her kids, and also with her health plan.

I feel like a broken record...good weeks, bad weeks, starting again, falling behind and picking up again. I didn't even know who to turn to this time. They've all heard it before. I've heard it before...over and over and over. I'm sick of it, as I'm sure they are. Turns out I didn't need to look further than my email. An article from Spark People to get myself back to where I need to look to get back on track. And if you think about it, it's not really starting over, just a reminder of where I am, where I want to go and what it's going to take to get there.

I want announce it here, and keep myself accountable. My goal: lose 10 lbs for Christmas. Approx 5 weeks away, puts me at about 2 lbs a week. It's SMART: Specific, Measurable, Action-based, Realistic and Time-Oriented.

What the matter with kids today?

2007-11-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

In general, they just aren't listening!

The past week or so has been a true lesson in my patience. As a kindergarten teacher, I try very hard to keep my temper even, soft voice, etc. I don't succeed 100% of the time, but I try and pray hard to keep my patience.

I would think they were plotting against me, but I've talked to other teachers and they are having the same problems. Tell them once, they don't pay attention. Tell them twice, no reaction. Third time is the loudest and finally the light goes on and they realize that "Oh, I need to be doing something" or "the teacher actually means business". Honestly, I don't know how to change this. I am tired of repeating myself. For example, we were sitting at the table and it was time to go to the rug and do some stuff over there. So I say, in a regular voice 'Please push in your chairs and go over to the rug" 3 of out of my 4 boys went to line up at the door!! I just looked at them for a moment because I was too shocked to even say anything! finally, I said' well, I'm glad that at least one person was listening to me". Then the rest scrambled over to the rug.

Honestly, I"m not speaking in a foreign language here! I didn't even us big words! How much other gunk in their heads to I have to get through before they start hearing me? We didn't start school this way, they were doing great! the last couple of weeks though...all downhill. I'm working on some behavior mods and different ways to do things, so maybe we'll get some real results next week...

Staying the same

2007-11-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

Stress and family issues. Who doesn't have them? I am happy to say that with everything going on, I stayed the same. I got more walking in and have been getting more water in. As you can see i also got a couple of Burger King meals in as well. Because of the time change, I don't get home in time to walk before it gets dark, so I'm looking to join the local park district that has a fitness center in it. But the cycle of so much going on at home, I haven't been over there yet. Hopefully after parent teacher conferences this week, it will calm down at home too and I can get over there.

new leaf turned

2007-11-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

This week has been great! Mon, Tues, and Thurs I walked 3 miles! 9 miles for the week so far! I don't know if I'll get walking in tonight, but will walk tomorrow for sure! The food for the week hasn't been the best, but I've been getting lots of water in!

I finally remembered to step on the scale this morning and it read 252! My plan for this month is walk, walk and more walking! My three goals this month is to get back to basics and get going! More water, more walking, and concentrate on portion control! So far, 2 out of the 3 have been going well :)

Does anybody really know what time it is?

2007-10-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not referring to the clock on the wall

It's time for school
It's time for bed
It's time for dinner
It's time for high school
It's time to go to college
It's time to get a job
It's time to get married
It's time to have kids
It's time to have grandkids
It's time to retire
It's time to have great-grandkids
It's time to pass on

When is our time? When will it happen? When is it my turn?

Questions I have been struggling with the past month or so during some life changing moments in my personal life. Questions I have been putting before God even though I know everything always happens in HIS time, not my own.

Once in a while, He answers. Maybe I was persistent enough, or maybe He realized that there was too much on me and I needed a lift. He answered in the form of a dream the other night. I don't know about others, but a lot of the time, I can remember my dreams very vividly as is the case with this one. Just an ordinary dream about some tall, good looking, blond guy. A guy who, in the dream was interested in me, and visa versa. At the end, however, I woke up with such a feeling of reassurance that my time was coming, that I haven't been able to shake it or worry it away even 3 days later. (this is a big deal for me! LOL) I know that people tell me that all the time, and I tell myself and I pray about it...but none of that calmed me as much as this dream. I believe that in some way, God was responsible (as He always is) and it was His way of helping me through some rough waters. I am so thankful that He works in my life and guides me and I rejoice that He is always with me even during these harder times, even when I need obvious signs...*L* I am eternally grateful to the people He has put in my life whether they are near or far, they are irreplacable and have been there for me and my family.

5 Interesting things about me

2007-10-22T11:05:00.001-07:00

Ok.....so I'm posting 2 in one day...sue me. Jen tagged me on Friday, but I was in such a bad mood, I honestly couldn't think of 5 things. Still not sure I can...but here goes:

1......I love to play volleyball. I started playing in high school and I absolutely love it. I would play every day if I could. It's one sport I'm actually kinda good at. I now coach middle school volleyball and we are having a blast!

2.....I am on a CD. A real CD! When I was in college I played handbells with the Alleluia Ringers, a touring handbell group. We also recorded several CDs while I was a part of the group. I would have stayed in college indefinitely if I could keep playing handbells.

3.....In 2006 I walked the 3 day walk for Breast Cancer. I didn't prepare for it nearly as much as I should have, and in the end, being at least 100+ lbs overweight, I finished about 42 of the 60 miles! I was extremely happy about that! It was one of the most incredible and moving experiences I have ever been through and for a wonderful cause.

4.....I can say thank you in 8 different languages: English, American Sign Language, Spanish, German, French, Italian, Russian and Japanese. No matter where I am, I can always be polite! lol Maybe not in the interesting category, but quirky...lol

5.....I collect Japanese tea cups. I don't have many, they are not easy to find. Mostly going to thrift stores, etc I find them. So, if anyone knows a good place to get them...let me know!

Good weekend

2007-10-22T06:06:00.000-07:00

I got to get away and see some friends this weekend...friends I haven't seen in a long time. One of them had a small halloween party on Saturday night and my friend Lori and I decided to dress up! Of course, no one else dressed up, but I don't care, I love wearing costumes..lol and the kids thought it was great! After a while we changed so we wouldn't be so conspicuous, but it was still fun.

Can we say snacker?

2007-10-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

Oh My Goodness. I can't believe my own carelessness. I have snacked so much this week. I have also never been so stressed and frustrated and dealing with so much drama. This past month has been a month of challenges emotionally and it's showing on the scale and what I'm putting in my mouth. I just feel so tired and lousy today, I just don't care, I didn't even want to try.

I joined a group of walkers, so I did get some walking in the week...4.5 miles.

I've lost and kept off 20 pounds. I have at least another 100 or more. It is NOT time to quit!! At the same time, I am not sure what it's going to take to get me going and learn to get over the stress and do what needs to be done anyway. I don't want to ruin the progress I've made so far.

I forgot to post that I gained 4 lbs this week..but maybe you guessed that...

Around the corner...

2007-10-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

Around the corner...

.....another Monday and another start to the work week. Another week with my new student. he keeps me on my toes and I pray that I can keep my patience and help him.

.....a new life...a life without my love. A boyfriend who says he realizes he is totally in love with me, but can't imagine trying to make a life with me work. There are a few other things in his life that are more important than me and doesn't think he can get his master's degree or publish his book while trying to be with me. It's just too hard for him...and very confusing for me. We are separated for now and if it works, it works.

.....a new beginning...starting on the road to walking in the 3 day walk for breast cancer. I am still at least 100 lbs overweight and I have a long road ahead of me. I am not happy with who I am and what I do, and I am starting again to get back to the person I know I am and the person I know I can be.

.....a trip out of town! I am excited about this, I really need to get out and see some friends that I haven't seen in a while and I can't wait! Plus, there is going to be a Halloween party, so I get to dress up!

.....making some decisions about where I'm going to live and if I can afford to get a house or not, or if I want to move away from my family or stay near them.

Staying the same

2007-10-11T05:28:00.001-07:00

The scale didn't move this week. To be honest, I'm happy about that.

The last several weeks have not been the best for me. A lot of emotional stuff going on, problems in my love life, my family, stress at work, etc.

I'm tired of feeling like that all the time and I'm ready to get back and focus on becoming healthier and becoming a better me. I want to concentrate on doing some indoor workouts, cardio and strength, because the weather is starting to turn colder and I don't want to get in the trap of being less active now that summer has gone. Volleyball is going to wrap up in a few weeks and I need to find a way to get back into what I need to do - eating better and getting activity.

I have also decided that I'm going to walk in the 3 day walk for Breast cancer next August. I walked it in '06 and it was an incredible experience, one that I will never forget. Last time I walked 42 of the 60 miles. Next time, I want to make it all 60 miles. This will only happen if I can shed some much hated pounds and walk, walk, walk. I have a lot of time to work for it, and I am making it my goal to do it.

unsettled

2007-10-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why...maybe because of the craziness of the last week or so. I've had enough drama to last me a long time. Right now, I feel very unsettled.

I have a new student and he is definitely keeping me on my toes. I think we may have a touch of attention problems, as well as some oppositional defiance problems. It's been an interesting week trying to stay at least one step ahead of him and not turn my whole class upside down. Luckily, I've had the other boys for several weeks now and they are used to my routine and don't follow his lead too much.

I could also use some chocolate right about now....

How did this happen?

2007-10-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

Somehow, I managed to lose 3 lbs this week. I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 251! I've been having a lot of drama going on this week and really haven't felt like eating great amounts and with a bit more water consumption, I managed to let some weight get away from me :) I hope that things are going to start calming down and get back to walking and activity.

Who could ask for anything more?

2007-09-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

How about a million dollars?

I'd settle for 150K so I can get this house.

Or 15K just to help with the down payment.

Money sucks.

Ok...so I'm kinda down this week. My life is just floating around somewhere in space with no thoughts or direction of landing anywhere. Luckily I have my teaching and volleyball and my family to keep me grounded once in a while. Thanks.

I got to thinking yesterday. My cousin and I were talking about kids picking on each other and it brought back a lot of memories of people picking on me while I was growing up because I was fat, shy and socially inept. Well, not much has changed since then. I'm a lot fatter, not always as shy, and a few more social skills than back then. Maybe that's why I never feel as though I fit in with anyone. I'm always afraid they see my faults and talk about me behind my back or will hurt me by talking in front of my back. That because I have these obvious faults, and other not so obvious ones, I'm not worthy of their kindness and attention or love. Wow, I never thought about that before in that way. How sad am I? blah. I hope that I can put it to my students that they should never make fun of any one for any reason. Because of how they look, or dress, or talk or anything. It's not what God wants us to do. Even if you don't like someone, there's no reason to be mean to them and put them down.

Like I said..I'm kinda down this week. Come back again, I'll be better...:)

The week is almost over

2007-09-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

Although I don' t know if you can really call it PMS because it usually only happens the first day of my period, not really before hand. I just tend to over dramatize things. The new birth control I am on helps a lot with regulating things and keeps things from being too much, but the first day is still bad. Everything that kinda stresses me, drives me crazy, is about 100 times worse on that day. That also makes sense for the little gain I had too. I have all boys this year and while they can be a bit of a challenge, there are only 3 (or 4) of them and they are good boys.

We have a family leaving our school this week. 3 kids. Great kids, but compared to the academic norm, a bit on the slow side with some learning issues I believe. Their parents are going to take them out of our school, citing reasons that they need help with learning. Um...Hello?? Haven't we been telling you that for several years?? 2 of the kids were held back when they were younger....so why did it take you so long to finally realize that we actually know what we are talking about here? We are a small school, so we can get some good one on one time with our students, but we are not equipped with a special needs teacher. The public school is required to help even if they are at a Christian school. We have been telling the parents this for several years. If they had listened to us a couple of years ago, they could have gotten help and prevented problems as they get older. Their solution? They are going to go to a "virtual" school. Now, I don't know much about it, but I looked around their website a little bit and it seems to be a cross between homeschooling and going to school. Has anyone heard of this? What kind of reputation do they have? Now, I have nothing bad to say against this method, I don't know much about it and if it is successful, nor against this school. But knowing this family for several years and having 2 of their children in my class...I can't imagine that this is a good solution for them. Knowing the mother the way I do, I can't imagine how good she will be at teaching 3 children in her home and making sure they do what they need to do to learn. It just doesn't seem to be good for the children to learn in this kind of environment. I wish them luck, and pray God watches over them.

Weigh In

2007-09-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I weighed in this morning on my mom's scale. It's different from the last scale I used, but I'm not surprised by the results. 254. Up a little from my original weigh in last week. I had some activity in (yay) but some not too good food and bad portion control. It seems when its time to eat, rational thoughts go out the window sometimes. *sigh* For Halloween, I'm going to buy a costume in the size I am just starting to fit into. Not sure if it'll fit well or not, but if I get it, then I have something to work towards so that it'll fit good for Halloween.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-09-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jen, I now can post pictures (although now I feel dumb for not figuring it out myself). Here is a picture of my baby. :)

Bitter-sweet weekend

2007-09-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

My weekend really flew by! Some of it was good, some of it was bad/scary.

Friday night...we had a bit of a scare with my dad. He was drifting in and out of consciousness in the middle of conversations. he said it didn't feel like sleep..mom is wondering if he was going unconscious. He's been sick a very long time, but the last month has been the worst. He's only been out of bed twice since before Labor day weekend, and he can't even really sit up anymore, he just gets so out of breath, he can't do it.

Saturday night...my old church started a bowling league every other saturday night and it started this weekend. What a blast! We had so much fun! I didn't bowl very well, but I had fun anyway! (with the help of friends, beer and goldschlager!)

Sunday was busy with family visiting! My grandma is in town so my uncle and his girlfriend, my cousin Jen and her daughter came over for Aurelio's pizza! After they left, my mom's cousin also came over for awhile even though we were pooped, it was good to see her as well!

The week is going to busy with another busy weekend ahead already! Our first volleyball game and my church is having a Fall Festival! Busy, busy, busy....makes the time go by too quickly.

Starting over

2007-09-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

I just had an interesting conversation with one of the sweetest women I have ever met. She is involved with our school, her kids go here and she helps with the lunches every day. She is also one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. Blond and likes to make sure she looks good, but never over does it, nor has an attitude of acting like she's "all that". All her kids are very sweet and polite and great kids! They are a definite addition to our school and we wouldn't be the same without her and them. Unfortunately, she just finished going through a divorce with her husband of many years. I don't know much about him, but from what I heard, he's an ok guy, but doesn't deserve someone like her. He has his problems and another girlfriend and that just doesn't work when you are married to someone else. I hope that what I said had a positive effect on her and I pray God stays with her and her with God throughout this difficult time.

The fat teacher

2007-09-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

In our Jesus time lesson this morning, we talked about the different kinds of people that Jesus loves...tall, short, dark, light, etc. I asked about fat people, and a boy said no. I was shocked! Wasn't my lesson getting through that God loves all of us, no matter our size or shape? I asked him why? and he said it was because we ate junk. I said well, that can be true, but just because we eat junk, doesn't mean we are not loved by God. God doesn't look at the outside, only the inside. If only people could do the same thing? I guess that's why I get so shy around people. It shouldn't matter what is on the outside, but so many people disagree with me and I am so hard on myself about what I look like on the outside that I am afraid to hear it from other people.

I haven't stepped on a scale in a couple weeks. My weight at that time was 252.1 and that is what I am going to start with. I have another blog that I'm doing to use next time that gives daily or almost daily progress reports. For today, I'm going to keep drinking my water and coach volleyball after school to get some activity.

Little boys and toilets

2007-09-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

I have this one little guy...he's in Kindergarten, and thanks to his genes, he's just a little guy, adorable, polite and fun to have in class. Well, he has gotten in the habit of talking (to me) while he is in the bathroom. Yesterday we had a problem with someone not making it into the toilet and he told me so while he was in there. I told them, if we can't make it in the toilet, then I was going to start going in there with them to make sure they did it right. Well, today, he goes in there and proceeds to yell at me again:

K: Miss Krause! someone peed on the side of the toilet again!

Me: Boys, we need to make sure we get it into the toilet, or watch out for messes and clean them up.

Other boys: I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Me: well, someone did, but we need to make sure we watch what we are doing, or I will start going in with you.

K (still in bathroom): you don't have to go in with me, Miss Krause! I make sure it all goes in!

I couldn't help but chuckle at this little voice coming from the bathroom to make sure no one would go in with him because he does it right...*L*

The weekend

2007-09-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

My weekend has been ok. Lots on my mind this weekend..more than usual. I have to tell a friend something that is not going to make her happy, and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm a people pleaser. I don't like to make waves, I don't like to hurt people, even the tiniest bit (on purpose anyway..sometimes it happens when I don't realize it). I know, I sound like a wuss and I need more backbone and need to stop worrying about it. It's something that I need to do, but I need to find the courage to do it

TGIF?

2007-09-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

well, it's been an interesting day. First of all, I didn't have school today due to a funeral at my church. Normally, we don't close school for a funeral but it was someone who most of the faculty and staff knew and so we decided to close school for the day. It wasn't someone I knew so I decided not to go.

I made an appointment to get my car fixed and look at a house. Got to talk to my dad a bit and things just doesn't seem to be good with him. He's been getting things in order and mom thinks that he may not make it too much longer. He's had bad spells before and come out of them...which he may come back or may not. I don't know. No one knows. So, once again, I'm ready to try and make some sense out of my life, but things just keep getting uprooted again. With God, all things are possible and I'm gonna run with that.

Thursday Quote

2007-09-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.
--Psalm 34:17

You know it's gonna be a bad morning....

2007-09-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

When you eat a row of chocolate chip cookies for breakfast on the way to school....

2007-09-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

For the second year in a row, I have a Kindergartner freaked out about nap/quiet time. And I don't mean just "I don't wanna lay down, I wanna play" I mean, freaked out about it. I think the second day he was here, he fell asleep, and for some reason, he is afraid he is going to fall asleep in school. In fact, I talked to him mom this morning and he was crying, not wanting to go to school because he didn't want to take a nap. Now, I do not force my kids to sleep, but it is merely a quiet time to relax for a bit before going on with our afternoon. Especially in the beginning, a whole day at school is a long day and it's a time to chill out for a while. They are only about 20 minutes long, 30 at the most if i notice someone fell asleep, then we get up...and goes until about December. Last year I had a girl totally freaked out about nap time. Granted, there were a few other problems with the family too, but she was totally freaked out..she would end up in great sobbing fits about it and we found an alternative for her. I have only been teaching a couple years, but this is something that totally mystifies me. We talked to the boy today and hopefully he will relax about quiet time.

The weekend

2007-09-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

It's almost as if I spent the weekend at a spa. The weather has been perfect, no place to go, nothing to do. I spent the weekend getting some cleaning and organizing done, lesson plans, helped mom with trying to get the old dishwasher out and the new one in...plenty to do, but I was able to do it at my own pace and get stuff done. I've been a bit sick this weekend, but not too bad...little cough, little fatigue, little sniffling...but nothing big.

I am ready for the week. Volleyball practice 3 days this week, meeting on the 4th day and then Friday and another weekend :) Oh, yeah, and some teaching in there too.

Anyone want to buy a clarinet? It's slightly used, but it's in pretty good condition. There's also a beginners book to go along with it. Let me know.

Rain, rain, don't go away

2007-09-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

I do enjoy a good rainy day, especially when you just aren't in the mood for a bright, sunny day.

It's been a long week. In some ways good, in some ways not so good. I'm coming off a wonderful weekend with Roo and having to get back to reality. Had a great Cubs game on Wednesday, but the second day of a late night and not enough sleep. Now, I'm getting sick. I'm glad that it is the weekend and I don't have to do much teaching while I'm sick.

I seem to be full of complaints this week, and I guess it's just a hard week. I need to remember that there are many things that I've been gifted with and remember those when things get bad.

Agenda: Have a good weekend

Thursday Quote

2007-09-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

“Teachers teach more by what they are than by what they say.”

I think this applies to anyone who has children, or is a role model to children. Children, like adults, can pick up much more on the non verbal cues about a person than what they talk about face to face.

Lost

2007-09-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Is there any way to get back?

Who knew being an adult would be so darn hard?

I have no home right now, job security is almost nil, good friends and family that I rarely ever see, carrying 140 extra pounds around on my 5'4" frame, addicted to food, stressed out, a man I love that I rarely ever see and some days I don't know if he wants me to stay or go, very little money in the bank and student loans that will never be paid off, a sick father who hasn't been able to get out of bed in about the last week or so and a stressed out mother who is taking care of him. Volleyball is starting soon, so we can add that to the plate as well.

And I'm supposed to come to school with a smile on my face so my angels have no idea what is going on so they can be happy and learn?

Sunny Florida

2007-09-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

It is everything I was hoping it would be at the beginning of September...hot, sunny and humid! It's almost like our winter...it's just too miserable to go out anywhere...*L* But Roo and I have gone out...we went to Lion County Safari yesterday and it was awesome! It's this place where you drive around and see animals in natural habitats. We saw ostriches, lions, elephants, chimpanzees, impala, zebras...to name a few. I even got to feed a giraffe! If I ever learn how to put pictures up here, I will definitely have to post that one! On the way home we stopped off at some of Roo's friend's houses for short visits and tasted a mango drink for the first time.

Today we went to church and hung around the house a bit, watching a movie. This evening, we went to the beach where the water was sooo warm, it was great! In fact, the air was actually cooler than the water and by the time we got out it was dark and a little chilly even until I dried off.

Tomorrow, I'm not sure what is on the agenda, but I know it will be good..maybe even the beach again or a movie. I will be heading back to Chicago around 8:30 pm, Florida time so I will definitely NOT have a good day on Tuesday in school...;)

Are our brave men and women getting paid too much?

2007-08-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

[I did a little research on the web to find out if this was true, and found out 2 things: 1 - it was NOT Cindy Williams the actress who wrote the article, it was a different Cindy Williams, and it was published in the Washington Post, not the Washington Times in 2000, I believe. If anyone has other information, please let me know, I do not like to post things that are not true. --Tracy]

Somebody has started to straighten some of these thoughtless and ungrateful people out. And I am even more grateful that it was someone serving in one of the branches of military.

Military paid too much ? You be the judge !
This is an Airman's response to Cindy Williams' editorial piece in the Washington Times about MILITARY PAY, it should be printed in all newspapers across America.

On Nov. 12, Ms Cindy Williams (from Laverne and Shirley TV show) wrote a piece for the Washington Times, denouncing the pay raise coming service members' way this year -- citing that the stated 13% wage was more than they deserve.

A young airman from Hill AFB responds to her article below. He ought to get a bonus for this.

"Ms Williams:

I just had the pleasure of reading your column, "Our GIs earn enough" and I am a bit confused. Frankly, I'm wondering where this vaunted overpayment is going, because as far as I can tell, it disappears every month between DFAS (The Defense Finance and Accounting Service) and my bank account.

Checking my latest earnings statement I see that I make $1,117.80 before taxes. After taxes, I take home $874.20. When I run that through the calculator, I come up with an annual salary of $13,413.60 before taxes, and $10,490.40, after.

I work in the Air Force Network Control Center where I am part of the team responsible for a 5,000 host computer network. I am involved with infrastructure segments, specifically with Cisco Systems equipment. A quick check under jobs for Network Technicians in the Washington, D.C. area reveals a position in my career field, requiring three years experience with my job. Amazingly, this job does NOT pay $13,413.60 a year. No, this job is being offered at $70,000 to $80,000 per annum... I'm sure you can draw the obvious conclusions.

Given the tenor of your column, I would assume that you NEVER had the pleasure of serving your country in our armed forces. Before you take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD leadership for attempting to get the families in the military's lowest pay brackets off of WIC and food stamps, I suggest that you join a group of deploying soldiers headed for AFGHANISTAN; I leave the choice of service branch up to you.

Whatever choice you make, though, opt for the SIX month rotation: it will guarantee you the longest possible time away from your family and friends, thus giving you full "deployment experience." As your group prepares to board the plane, make sure to note the spouses and children who are saying good-bye to their loved ones. Also take care to note that several families are still unsure of how they'll be able to make ends meet while the primary breadwinner is gone -- obviously they've been squandering the "vast" piles of cash the government has been giving them.

Try to deploy over a major holiday; Christmas and Thanksgiving are perennial favorites. And when you're actually over there, sitting in a foxhole, shivering against the cold desert night; and the flight sergeant tells you that there aren't enough people on shift to relieve you for chow, remember this: trade whatever MRE (meal-ready-to-eat) you manage to get for the tuna noodle casserole or cheese tortellini, and add Tabasco to everything. This gives some flavor. Talk to your loved ones as often as you are permitted; it won't nearly be long enough or often enough, but take what you can get and be thankful for it.

You may have picked up on the fact that I disagree with most of the points you present in your opined piece.

But, tomorrow from KABUL, I will defend to the death your right to say it.

You see, I am an American fighting man, a guarantor of your First Amendment rights and every other right you cherish. On a daily basis, my brother and sister soldiers worldwide ensure that you and people like you can thumb your collective nose at us, all on a salary that is nothing short of pitiful and under conditions that would make most people cringe. We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we can't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies.

And you, Ms. Williams, have the gall to say that we make more than we deserve? Rubbish!

A1C Michael Bragg Hill AFB AFNCC

Thursday Quote

2007-08-30T06:28:00.000-07:00

"God believes in us. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and He has equipped us with everything we need to succeed. All we have to do is learn to believe."

--Dan R. Dick
Devotion for Dieters

It's a shame really

2007-08-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

It's a shame to have it so easy! I mean, I like a small class as much as any teacher, but I'm dealing with 2 (or 3 depending on the day). Academically it'll be good, especially as I have one that may need some extra time, esp in the beginning, but socially, it's not very good at all. Can you imagine having only one play mate the entire school year? So far they seem to be playing well together, so I am encouraged by that.

I don't mean to complain, because it really is nice, but it's bad for our school to have so few students and I worry about later in the year when they start getting tired of each other, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Happy hump day!

The Night Before School Starts

2007-08-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

And all through the house...everyone was scrambling...It really frightened the mouse

OK....So school starts tomorrow. The toys are out, the puzzles are ready, the books are on the shelf. Names are on tables, lockers and mailboxes. Tomorrow I will have 3 (yes, only 3 :-( ) bright new faces, eager to learn and wreak havoc on my classroom. Alright, so with only 3, it's probably not going to be too crazy in my room, but they are all boys. *L*

Lesson plans are ready, classroom is ready, Kids are ready (I hope), I hope the teacher is ready..*L*

It's been a long weekend...we had power outages all around the area with strong storms..we were out from Thursday to Saturday. It was rather difficult with my dad being on Oxygen 24/7...but with a friend's generator, we were able to keep him plugged in the whole time.

Ok...off to put a few finishing touches on things and then relax for a while.

Ah-Ha Moment....How do you look?

2007-08-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

If you are an Oprah fan...you know what I'm talking about.

I had one today while watching her show. Her show was actually about other people telling their stories about their "ah-ha" moments after watching Oprah...lol so this kinda fits.

This dad was on talking about how he was forced to watch her 20th anniversary DVD and he had one of these moments while watching Toni Morrison talk about how you look around your kids. We all know how much we love our kids or in my case, my students....and even how much we love our friends/family/loved ones. Does it show when you walk into the room or when they walk into the room? I like to think that the main reason my classroom is a good place to learn is because of the attitude I have with my children. Even i know there are the mornings I don't really want to be up that early, or I had a bad commute to work, or things just aren't going right. But my challenge for this school year is to make sure I have a smile on my face each morning when they walk into the room to start the day. Kids, like adults, pick up on our verbal cues...but even more so, they pick up on our non-verbal cues...even if we aren't mad at them, they will see that we are mad and think that it's their fault. Now, by no means can we keep a smile plastered on our face the entire day, that's just impossible. But for those who work, or after you pick up your kids from school, or when they walk into your classroom, does your love show on your face?

Day off

2007-08-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

Even though school hasn't started yet, it's been a long week. I had some things I wanted to do today, but my body decided not to do anything at all today but keep me lounging around. I guess I needed it today. I also felt a little under the weather, so I just relaxed. I've been off track with my new healthy lifestyle...but I think I was able to get back on track today :)

Midnight Snack

2007-08-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

But for once, I'm not actually eating one. :) I'm actually dealing with some issues that has me with trouble breathing and so no sleep right now. The mistake I've made is that I'm watching the Cosby Show...one of my favorite shows...and always makes me laugh! But right now, laughing is a bit painful...

I came on thinking I would have something witty to say at 1 in the morning...but nothing is coming to me...*L* So, goodnight one and all...I hope you have a good weekend...I know I'm planning on it!

Quote for Thursday

2007-08-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

"Whoever wants to reach a distant goal, must first take small steps. --Helmit Schmidt

Tag? 10 Things I hate

2007-08-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

I guess I've been tagged...and from reading my cuz's blog, I figured out what I had to do...:) But, I don't know anyone else on here to tag...

Food: Seafood. Any and all. oh, and sour cream makes me yak.

Fruit: I like most fruit I've ever tried so far...guess I don't really like Grapefruit...don't go for sour.

Veggies: Broccoli...sauerkraut...cauliflower...a few others

Celebrity/People: Anyone who can't be responsible for their own lives and treat it so carelessly

Event/Situation/Incident: shopping the day after Thanksgiving

TV Shows/Movies: Two words....reality TV

Music: Elevator music...music that demeans women

Household Chores: Dishes! I HATE doing the dishes

The World: any where and everywhere there are people who can't learn to live with their neighbors, have to hurt them

About Myself: That I let my emotions get in the way of doing something simple - losing weight...it's a battle I have been waging for forever and a day.

Don'tcha just love it!

2007-08-15T07:17:00.001-07:00

For the second time this week...I am in a pair of capris that I haven't worn in at least 2 summers because they were waaay too tight to be comfortable and look good. It doesn't get much better than that. :-)

A New Challenge

2007-08-14T14:10:00.001-07:00

I guess that since school hasn't started yet, this has been mostly about me, but that's ok. I have been dealing with weight for as long as I can remember. In November of last year, I started doing Jenny Craig and as of a week and a half ago, lost 21.1 lbs. It seems I go up, I go down, but overall, I'm still going down and so I keep fighting. Will it ever get easy?

Even though I get on again, off again with the food, I haven't yet been able to really get on with the exercise. I may start and go a week or two...but then it flickers off for several (or 6) months and I don't do anything. I'm not really sure why, but I want to change that. I have started a challenge for myself to start walking every day for 30 min. I did it last night for the first time in a long time, and I did about a mile. Walking is nothing new, and it's not that tiring although it was a bit slow, but it's just a matter of getting my butt out the door every day to do it. I probably could have done more, but it's a start and that is my challenge to myself...30 min every day (or at least 4-5 times).

So, if you are up to it, I challenge you to do something new to create a healthier you. Maybe you don't eat enough veggies and want to add a serving every day (4-5 times a week is the goal), or you want to drink more water, or exercise, or get rid of chips or whatever it is...for the next month. You can tell me, you can not tell me, whatever you like, but I challenge you to change something about your lifestyle for at least the next month (hopefully longer!!).

What a weekend!

2007-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess that's misleading, for the most part it was quiet. My birthday was friday, and most of the day was wonderful! Many well wishes, and the VBS director surprised me with a cake and had had all the kids make me a card for my birthday! Very sweet! After that, it just went downhill! I was supposed to meet up with my sibs and because of VBS, I was running a little late. By the time I got there, not only had they bowled, but were getting ready to leave! Well, since the whole thing had been my idea to get together, I was gonna bowl anyway, but I was a little pissed. Then, on top of that, had to pay for my own bowling, and not one person, save my best friend, even had a gift for me. Now, I'm a quiet sort of person, I like to help where I am needed and do my thing and don't think I ask for much. But, I would think, at least for my birthday, my family would have done something, even a little, to make it special. And that just didn't happen. It was disappointing and I was quite hurt (still am I guess) about the whole thing.

The rest of the weekend was quiet...working with mom in building her room and cleaning my own room. Today, I went to a networking conference, tomorrow I have to do payroll, and faculty meeting on Wednesday...school starts in less than 2 weeks!!! There's still soooo much to do!!

It's Friday! (and my birthday!)

2007-08-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Teachers, as well as students, LOVE Friday! Now, I won't speak for them all...but I know I love it! I love my job and I love my kids, but there's something about Friday that is just fun! Today is extra special because it is also my 29th birthday! I've received many well wishes already and it has really boosted my week! I have had a horrid week with stress, disorganization and binging and I am so glad that it is almost over. I want to put it behind me and never think on it again!

The best part is that I think I have finally snapped the binging streak. I ate so horrid yesterday, I can't even believe it. But I heard something this morning on Oprah that I am going to commit to memory, for the next time a binge attacks. It was from a woman who had struggled with weight for years and has a book out, not about losing weight, but how to stay there when you get there. And she said something...simple, but I was never able to put it into these words before to help me out (and this isn't an exact quote because my memory sucks):

You don't get fat from one binge. You get fat for what you do after..generally starving yourself because you ate too much earlier so that in a couple hours, you're ready to binge again. (and the cycles continues) Once you have a binge, put it behind you as if it never happened and have your next meal as you would normally have it (not binging or starving yourself) and move on.

Like so many other people, once I binge...that's it. I feel horrible and so to punish myself further, instead of starving myself, I go for the next one because I know it's damaging my body, I want to hurt myself further....which is what I have been doing to myself all week. What helped me snap out of it was a friend. Someone I don't talk to often, but if I have a problem, he's always there to back me up and encourage me and he told me that whenever I have a problem this week, he would help me. One of my texts to him yesterday was about needing to stop the stupidity. That word, stupidity, finally put it in perspective for my binge cravings were just that...stupidity. One....it's understandable. But I've been punishing myself alll week! Every day! And that, to do that to myself over and over...was just stupidity. I've lost 21 lbs now on JC and I have come a long way, and doing this to myself now was just stupid. And I realize that, and I think I have snapped out of it and I can go back to being normal and learning to do things in healthier ways again.

Wow..this was a long one...but it's been a long week....and to anyone else sharing a birthday with me today....Happy Birthday! :)

Summer vacation? What's that?

2007-08-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

For anyone out there who thinks teacher's have it made during the summer...lay around and do nothing...you are so wrong! (and yes, some of those are in my own family)

Yes, it's true we get 3 months away from our students, but that by no means, means I have time to lay around and do nothing. Granted, I do get to have more flexible hours, and this is the time when I get to take my vacation time, but I have been so busy this summer, I haven't had time to breathe. This week I am in the middle of teaching VBS along with trying to do my duties as treasurer of my church congregation. VBS hasn't been all that organized and so instead of using the last couple of weeks to get my stuff together to teach, I've been having to do it each day this week. So I've been spending long hours at school every day to get ready (I am lucky that I teach at the school we are doing VBS in so I can do it here). But it's made for a very crabby me...and I'm not usually a crabby person.

Consequently, I've been using these emotions as excuses to visit my old haunts....Wendys, Burger King, Arbys.....which, as anyone losing weight knows, doesn't ever, ever help..only adds to the misery.

I can't wait until this week is over and I can spend my time and energy getting my real classroom and lesson plans ready for the little darlings coming on August 27th.